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Why does infidelity happen in marriages?

On Behalf of | Jul 30, 2020 | Family Law |

When infidelity happens within a marriage, it is usually assumed that deeper issues are to blame. These issues might stem from problems with the relationship itself or because of some inherent flaw within the cheater. In many cases, these assumptions are correct. But there are other reasons why spouses cheat, some of which are less obvious.

Infidelity can happen in all sorts of marriages, including those that seem happy and contented from the outside. When it happens, it has a damaging effect, regardless of the underlying cause. However, understanding that even happy marriages can experience issues with cheating can be illuminating to spouses left behind to pick of the pieces. Here are a few less common reasons for extra-marital affairs.

The desire for new experiences

Being married for a long time can be reassuring, but it can also lead to boredom. A person may become bored with their daily routine, including time spent with their significant other. While they might still love this person deeply, their frustration may cause them to seek out new experiences. When this process is undertaken from a healthy perspective, the person may take on new hobbies or interests. A less healthy response to stagnation is the pursuit of a new romantic or sexual relationship outside of the marriage. This process is also tied into the second cause, a need for excitement.

A feeling of excitement

When you settle into your married life, excitement takes the back seat to routine. Most of your time will be devoted to your family, your job, and your home, and little time may be left for you to seek out more exciting pursuits. This is a normal experience for all adults, who may feel dissatisfied with their lives, even if they are fulfilling and rewarding. The process of having an affair is exciting. The risk of being caught, having to sneak around to be with the object of affection, anticipating the next rendezvous are all highly exciting, regardless of the damage they cause to the family unit.

Pursuit of missed opportunities

When couples are married young, they may lack life experiences. This includes multiple romantic partners, which is considered a normal part of development for young adults. Some spouses pine for these missed experiences, to the point where they might feel that something is missing in their lives. This leads to a renewed interest in dating and romance, in order to make up for those experiences neglected in young adulthood.