No divorcing parent would expect their children to come through a divorce unchanged. It is a massive event for any child. What you want to know is how it will affect them and what you can do about it?
There is no one answer here. Divorce is different for every family and every child within a family. One of your children may come out relatively unscathed, while the other suffers for years because of your divorce.
Be proactive rather than hoping for the best
You do not necessarily need to tee up a psychologist or counseling sessions for your children to help them cope. Instead, you need to keep a very close eye on them. Look for any behavioral changes that might be signs of deeper emotional issues. For example:
- Your child always hands in their homework on time, but the teacher calls to say they have not given any in all week
- Your child loves seeing their grandparents, but they point blank refuse this weekend
Telling them off or insisting they comply is not going to help. Actions may be their way of letting you know that all is not well.
Allow your kids some leeway
These are not ordinary times for you or your child, so do not expect them to behave or perform as if they are. If you tell the teacher you are divorcing, they know to go easy on your child if they fall behind. You can also flex some of your rules. Arguing over a stray sock on the floor will not help your child feel they can talk to you about how they are feeling.
Above all, you need to handle your divorce so that it does not make your child feel they are caught in the middle of a battle. The easier you can make your divorce, the more time and energy you will have left to focus on helping your kids.