Divorce discussions with children should not be handled with a one-size-fits-all approach. You need to consider your child’s age to determine what to tell them and, overall, how to handle the conversation.
Here is why your child’s age matters:
Understanding of divorce
Depending on age, children understand divorce differently. Toddlers do not understand it. Nonetheless, they are very sensitive to changes in their routine or environment.
Three to six-year-olds may understand divorce. They can grasp that their parents will no longer be living in the same house, but they have a limited understanding of the cause and effects of the divorce. Typically, children in this age group develop behavioral regressions, such as separation anxiety, increased clinginess, bed wetting, thumb-sucking, increased temper tantrums and more frequent crying.
School-age children (six to 12 years old) are more aware of divorce and the potential changes it might bring. They may experience anxiety, stress, guilt, confusion, and anger. Some kids even believe they contributed to the divorce and may try to fix it.
Twelve to 14-year-old children have a greater capacity to understand divorce. Kids in this age group usually ask for the reasons behind the divorce. Additionally, they can be concerned about how it will affect their relationships outside the family and experience a complex mix of emotions.
A child who is 15 to 18 years old understands the complex realities of divorce. They might have witnessed it in a friend or in movies. These children usually feel anger, confusion and embarrassment. Further, they often worry about their parents’ well-being, feel torn between both parents or take sides.
Knowing how your child views divorce helps you choose the best approach for breaking the news to them. You should also learn more about how to continue protecting them after the divorce.